How to be an ally to your straight friends [satire]

This is a translation of a post in Hebrew, written by my friend/lover Dan Veg (who can be found and followed on tumblr: anarchapansexual).

This post on Tumblr.

The ever increasing trend of oppression against straight people in LGBT and queer communities has been worrying any person with a fragment of a conscious left unharmed by extreme heterophobic propaganda. It’s time for us to stop it! It’s time that we learn how to stop insulting straight people, how not to question their heterosexuality, how to learn to love their privileges (Because hating is bad! And it gives you ulcers!), and in short: how to be their allies.

Credit: superqueerartsyblog.tumblr.com

A bisexual manifesto

I found this text in Getting Bi almost two years ago. I liked it immediately, as any feminist might – it spoke my language. In Israel, this feminist manifesto is famous for having been translated with slight alterations to fit Israeli culture (for example, a reference to militarism). The local transgender community also wrote a similar text two years back, which brought it even closer to my heart. And so, when seeing this in Getting Bi, I automatically wanted to translate it.

However, the text was a bit too liberal for my liking (government/rights focused, gender-binary and monogamous) – and so I translated it with a few changes and additions.

Anyway, I figured now that I have a blog, it might be a good time to translate it back into English.

The Hebrew version may be found here, in the form of a flier.

**FEEL FREE TO USE THIS TEXT FOR ANY PURPOSE. NO RIGHTS RESERVED, though I would appreciate credit, where applicable :)**

BECAUSE we are not real AND our orientation is only a phase AND we’ll just leave for a member of another sex any day AND our way of loving is only a sign of confusion AND when we haven’t changed in 5 or 10 or 20 or 50 years we are still just confused AND when we’re in a different-sex relationship then we are holding onto “straight privilege” AND when we’re in a same-sex relationship then we’ve finally “come all the way out” AND when we’re in a different-sex relationship we’re really just straight AND when we’re in a same-sex relationship then we’re really gay or lesbian AND when we dare suggesting that we have our own identity we are traitors of the community AND if we identify as bisexual we think there are only two genders AND when we identify as pansexual then we’re simply hipsters AND when we don’t self-define then we’re invisible AND because every historical figure or celebrity who has ever had a same-sex relationship was really gay or lesbian no matter how they may have felt about other genders AND we’re told we can’t make up our minds AND that we’re just attention seekers AND when we’re monogamous then we’re not really bisexual AND when we’re polyamorous then we’re reinforcing stereotypes AND because we want to fuck anything that moves AND because it’s okay to sexually harass us and we’re not allowed to choose or refuse or reject it AND because it’s okay to ask us invasive questions about our sex lives AND because every fuck up about our relationships is attributed to our bisexuality AND because we see personal ads that say “no bisexuals” AND for lots and lots of other reasons, WE ARE PART OF THE BISEXUAL LIBERATION MOVEMENT